My family is a narrative of women abused, beaten, cheated to; yet, my family's women were also strong, outspoken and leaders in their communities. There were also those that settled in passive leadership roles- a typical mother of my clan- and those that struggled for their own self-reclamation. These were the uncommon divorcees, community organizers and my queers like my sister. They didn't often used call themselves feminists, but independents. I also seek that model of independence through how I claim my body, voice and how I use my male privilege.
Catholicism has the ability to make men believe they are masters of the world and its inhabitants, yet slaves to their god. Now, I've never really bought into this theology that would've made me turn around and claim anything from my sisters- a chancla would've stopped this, regardless. Fortunately, I had La Guadalupe as the counterculture. Where tales of kings, masters and misogynists seemed farfetched, La Guadalupe seemed real and plausible. I had her ingrained as a spiritual symbol of resistance (historically against Spanish colonialism), compassion and acceptance. Virgin Mary was different form La Guadalupe; Guadalupe was a spirit that became the face of the oppressed. It was a transition before the eyes of mezitos and indigenous. She wasn't an European queen cloaked in a pancho, rather a fully transitioned indigenous spirit that didn't wear gold, she was cloaked with nature and the sky. In a sense, she wisely chose how to reclaim her celestial and earthly privileged.
La Virgen also embodies purity- I embody desire. In a safe space of queer Latina sex workers, I remember coming to the conclusion that passive sex was linked to my gender, it didn't make me a man, but it made me feel like the man I wanted to be. At that particular space, my trans'migas also connected to that sentiment in their affirmation of gender and identity. Like how my amiga had put it, Soy una mujer libre hasta que cobro mucho-I am a free woman even if I charge a high rate- meaning to me that we can use sexual boundaries and reclamation to define us or in spite of.
I, too, am a putillo, a bottom bitch, and who I am is with that claim and regardless off of it. I am fortunate to have been inspired by strong self-affirming women, transgeneras and feminists that kick the can of oppression and claim their beings against governments and oppressors. It is extraordinary and beyond earthly- it is the feminine divine.